Still, my partner and I managed. Sure, half our morning commute was spent trudging over a gravel-covered rail yard, and sure, in winter the snow had a tendency to pile up 18 inches high over that same unplowed (and unlit) gravel rail yard, but we persevered. Vermont would not break us. Bike Life! One Less Car!

Alas, we moved, and one great, merciless hill did us in. Suffice it to say, this was the mother of steep, dangerous hills, which—though fun to fly down in the morning—was not so much fun climbing back up at night. Three winters (her) and two winters (me) we lasted before finally breaking down and buying an automobile. You win this round, Small Town America!

Still, now that spring is springing, trees are blooming, and cardinals are on the wing, I'm reminded again that oh yeah—Vermont is frakkin' beautiful! And I'm itching to get back on my bike.

Before settling into my cozy little nest in White River Junction, Vermont, I lived in Brooklyn, New York for five years of pure carless bliss (well…bliss, tempered with the thrill of dodging homicidal cab drivers). I was even a bike courier for a little while there, though I don't think it suited me. (I was really bad at it.) For most of that time, I rode second-hand bikes that I fixed up and serviced myself; usually bikes in the 20–30-year old range. That didn't last.

After my second bike frame busted, tearing up my ankle and putting me on crutches for six weeks, I vowed never to buy a used bike again. I went out and bought the shiniest aluminum-frame mountain bike I could afford, and the love affair with vintage bicycles was over…for a while.

You see, the thing about Small Town America is that old bikes, well—they just aren't that in demand. I bought a perfectly usable Huffy 10-speed for $10 at a thrift store once. It just needed some minor repairs. And my current ride—Nessie, I call her—only set me back $25. How could I resist?

At the time, I didn't know anything about Sekine bicycles, other than they look super-cool, with a rhinestone in the head badge and the name "Sekine" in huge letters around the gear guard.

One Google search later, I found out the Sekine is a fairly high-quality mid-range Canadian bicycle, manufactured starting around the mid-1970s at a time when import tariffs were high and the domestic bicycle market was able to flourish, albeit briefly.

Add to its obvious quality one charming little accessory and I was sold: a not-terribly-efficient (but totally sustainable!) friction-powered headlamp. Sure, the minute your wheel stops turning you become invisible to drivers again, and the initial resistance is a little annoying, but just think: you never have to buy batteries!

This week is Bike to Work Week, and I've got no more excuses to keep Nessie in mothballs. She needs a new front wheel (I hope it won't be too hard to transplant those awesome giant wingnuts that are on there now), some chain grease, and some tweaks in the gear shifting and brake lines, but her frame is solid and if I treat her right I'm sure she'll do the same for me.

Fingers crossed.

So let's take the lull as an opportunity to dig a little deeper and find out what message our future President is conveying here. Because, like it or not, at this moment he is the most visible role model in the world.

Photo by Bauer Griffin.

What's the first thing that hits me? Man, this guy is in good shape! The second thing? This is the President? Seriously, when was the last time we had a president with abs like that?* The press should have nicknamed him Joe Six-pack!

But look a little closer, and what do we see?

Oh, say it ain't so, Joe! Bottled water? I'm disappointed, Mr. President-Elect. The message now becomes: Hey, kids! Want to be healthy and look great in a swimsuit like Barack Obama? Exercise for 45 minutes every morning and drink plenty of Aquafina (or Poland Springs, or whatever the hell).

Let me get one thing out of the way: I don't drink bottled water. Never have. And the reason is this: I am cheap. Why would I pay 2 bucks a pop for something that gets piped into my home for free? It's ludicrous. The height of decadence. I refuse to be a part of it.

There are other considerations, of course. The poor communities that get their blue gold piped literally out from under them without compensation, the chemicals in the plastic, the petroleum used, the mountains of waste, the energy involved in their manufacture and transport…

Photo by Brett Weinstein.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I expect more from our half-naked President-Elect.

*Mm, maybe Hamilton.

I thought about it for a moment. "Absolutely," I answered.

A lot has been written about Barack Obama's ability to inspire people—with his soaring rhetoric, his remarkable life story, his ability to relate and, yes, empathize with the average person.

But beyond all that, and working mostly in the subconscious, is Obama's transformation somewhere along the line into a straight-up, full-steam-ahead symbol. And not an empty one, like John McCain's oddly disconcerting Joe the Straight-Talking-Plumbing-Man, either. A symbol with substance.

But let's stick to the symbol.

An icon, a simplified image, has an inherent, unambiguous power. A really good one has a clarity and a truth that is self-evident. I would argue that the reason the Shepard Fairey image works so well and took off the way it did is that in a single illustration, Obama and Hope become so intertwined that they are one and the same. When you look at that image, you don't see Barack Obama. You see hope—and everything it signifies to you, whoever, wherever you are.

So it seems only fair that, having been given so much by art and artists, Obama is promising to give a little back. No, not exactly a quid pro quo—this has been part of the Obama platform for over a year, after all. But rather, recognizing that soft power is hugely important in influencing perceptions of the U.S. around the world, Obama plans to greatly increase funding for arts education and the NEA, as well as create an "Artists Corps" of young artists trained to work in low-income schools and their communities. (For more detail, including a new tax and health care policy, I recommend reading Obama's policy plan for the arts.) After 8 years of a small, mean, brutish, incurious man in our nation's highest office, it's more than a little refreshing to see somebody (knock wood, knock wood) take office who actually recognizes the value of art.

And speaking of voting, today being November 4, I'd be remiss if I didn't say anything about it. So, if you haven't already, what are you waiting for? Go out there and

Try to get as many veggies as you can from local, organic suppliers. Look for farmers' markets and natural foods co-ops in your area. Buy herbs and spices in bulk and use your own containers, rather than buying them pre-packaged—you'll get a lot more bang for your buck.

You will need

• 1 tbsp ginger, minced
• 3 cloves garlic, whole
• 1 tbsp soy oil (or canola oil)
• 1 tsp peanut oil
• 1 carrot, chopped into 1/4 inch pieces
• 1 small white onion, sliced
• 1 block of tofu (about 8 oz.), diced into 1/2 inch cubes
• 10 oz. Crimini mushrooms, halved
• 1/4 cup snow peas
• 1 tsp lemon zest
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp ground black pepper
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
• 1/4 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
• 8 oz. dry rice noodles (rice sticks)

For the sauce, mix

• 1/2 can of coconut milk (about 8 oz.)
• 1 tbsp Thai red curry paste

in a bowl and put aside.

Separately, mix

• 1 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 4 tbsp water

and set aside for later.

Heat the soy (or canola) oil together with the peanut oil over medium heat in a fairly large pan. Add the garlic and ginger, crushing the garlic in the pan with a wooden spoon, and cook until the garlic starts getting golden and fragrant, about 3–4 minutes. Remove the garlic and ginger from the oil, and reserve.

Return the pan to the heat and turn it up to medium high. Add the chopped carrot and sliced onion and stir-fry until the carrots begin to soften, about 5 minutes. Toss in the tofu, mushrooms, and snow peas. Stir-fry an additional 5 minutes.

Add the coconut curry mixture, along with the salt, ground black pepper, and crushed red pepper flakes, and reduce heat to medium. Throw in the reserved garlic and ginger. Stir in the flour-water mixture for 2 or 3 minutes. Add the lemon zest and lemon juice.

Serve over the rice noodles. Garnish with your chopped fresh cilantro. Add salt, pepper, and lemon juice to taste.

Serve with white wine or sake.

Walter starts off with some wise words of caution for all us prematurely euphoric Democrats/Liberals/Progressives out there: “Even amid the current rush to electoral certainty, there are still valid reasons for Democrats to contain any irrational exuberance.”

(Yes. Thank you, Walter. Obama’s so far ahead in the polls I was going to show up to work with no shirt on, answer all my e-mails out loud, and scream made-uppy words whenever a co-worker tried to talk to me. But now, thanks to your sobering entreaty, I’ll be able to contain myself.)

So here they are—Walter Shapiro’s “Four Ways John McCain Could Still Win,” followed by my even more sobering and insightful “Four More Ways John McCain Could Still Totally Win.” McCain ‘08!

#1: The Volatile Voter! (I had to read this one twice because I missed the part where McCain could win)

22 days is a long time, and public opinion could change. (Walter gives some historical precedents for big swings in poll numbers in the final days leading up to an election—but he never quite gets around to how or why public opinion could change. He doesn’t bother with any specifics about what McCain should do to actually bring about that change and turn the tide. That’s not his job! You figure it out, McCain Campaign. So, yeah—nothing here beyond a lukewarm gut feeling that the Undecideds are being undercounted. The polls are straining Walter's credulity!

In other words, “I don’t believe so many people already know they're voting for Barack Obama. And because it’s so unbelievable to me, John McCain could win.”

#2: The October Surprise!

“[I]t seems both alarmist and in bad taste to speculate about the political fallout from a pre-election terrorist incident,” (even though that's exactly what I'm doing). “But al-Qaida surprises can come in less lethal packages.”

Translation: McCain could still win if bin Laden puts out a tape saying he plans to attack America, and/or that he really wants Barack Obama to become president, because a Democratic president would make it easier for terrorists to sneak into the country and eat our children. If that were to happen, and if Americans trust McCain with their national security more than they trust Obama with our financial, educational, environmental, and diplomatic security, or they’re foolish and gullible enough to let terrorists decide the outcome of an American election, then McCain could win.

I’ll admit, this one is almost plausible—so keep your fingers crossed for a terrorist attack, Republicans! (Er, a non-lethal one, of course.)

#3 “Maverick” McCain rolls the dice (cuz that’s been working awesome)!

McCain makes an “I will serve only one term” pledge. You know what? I like this one. In fact, that strategy could work so well, I’ll go you one better: McCain makes an “I will serve no terms” pledge. “Vote for me and I will immediately step aside and give the Presidency to Barack Obama. I promise.”

~OR~

Call President Bush (and all Republicans, I guess) an asshole (assholes). It may anger the base, the only group still supporting McCain and Palin at this point, and it won’t win them any converts, but it sure would be Mavericky. I can already see the t-shirts:

“McCain: HOLY DAMN SHIT HE’S A MAVERICK”

#4 Concentrate on the battleground states, and pray for a miracle!

All right, Johnny ol’ salt, let’s hop on board the Reality Express© here. Iowa doesn’t want you? Fuck ‘em. You were a P.O.W.—therefore, you understand the pain of a crushing and humiliating electoral defeat. So screw the lost causes. Concentrate all your efforts on Ohio, Indiana, Missouri, Virginia, North Carolina, Nevada, Colorado and Florida. Sure, even if you win every single one of them, it still won’t be enough. But who knows? Maybe California will break your way. They’ve got like, what, 80 electoral votes? Start measuring the drapes!

What—you think those are all the tricks Big Mac has up his sleeve? Nuh uh, baby. Here’s Four More surefire ways Johnny McC could still clinch the Presidency. In no particular order.

#5: Voo doo.

Yes, voo doo.

#6: People think you’re angry, and they expect you'll try to chill out. Make the Maverick Move: get way angrier, start swearing.

Example: Call a press conference at 2 in the morning, scream “I am gonna Maverick the fuck out of the Presidency.” Punch a wall for 7 minutes.

#7: Start wearing blackface, pretend nothing is different.

#8: Buy a half hour of prime time TV nationwide; cry and beg.

I wrote some sample dialogue, just to get the ball rolling:

“You know” (wipe freely running nose on sleeve) “You know I started cutting myself last night? Just to see if I could still feel.

“Turns out I can’t.”

With her testimony before the House Armed Services subcommittee yesterday, she did more to advance the cause of gays in the military than probably anyone in the last 15 years.

From the Washington Post:

Donnelly treated the panel to an extraordinary exhibition of rage. She warned of "transgenders in the military." She warned that lesbians would take pictures of people in the shower. She spoke ominously of gays spreading "HIV positivity" through the ranks.

"We're talking about real consequences for real people," Donnelly proclaimed. Her written statement added warnings about "inappropriate passive/aggressive actions common in the homosexual community," the prospects of "forcible sodomy" and "exotic forms of sexual expression," and the case of "a group of black lesbians who decided to gang-assault" a fellow soldier.

…

Inadvertently, Donnelly achieved the opposite of her intended effect. Though there's no expectation that Congress will repeal "don't ask, don't tell" and allow gays to serve openly in the military, the display had the effect of increasing bipartisan sympathy for the cause.

So, should you honestly thank Donnelly, founder and president of the Center for Military Readiness, for advancing the discussion of civil rights? Well, no. Hate speech is hate speech, no matter how ludicrous and laughable. But you can at least thank her for pointing up the stupidity of the policy of prohibiting gay men and women to serve openly. You couldn't write satire this hilarious if you tried.

Contact the Center for Military Readiness here.